It's a Madhouse! Voices

Hello, and welcome back to Fanfic Masochism.

This week I’m going to talk about two things: shipping, and Flanderization.

I can’t say that I’m overly fond of shipping. Most of the time it’s because the fans of said “ships” bitch and whine whenever they feel their OTPs are being threatened, and the rest of the time is because I think that the creators of the show know what they’re doing and should be allowed to work on the projects they created without some uppity fan whining about it.

In Bryke’s defense, Nickelodeon’s management is a bunch of dicks and they were forced to rush Season 2.

Moving on, Flanderization is a term in which a character has their negative, annoying, or even positive traits exaggerated incredibly (and poorly), such that they don’t really seem like the original characters. To use the trope namer as an example, The Simpsons’ Ned Flanders started off as a nice, soft spoken Christian type, one who was largely one of the more moral characters of the show. As time went on, Flanders became more of a closed minded Fundamentalist, the kind of guy who’d say Harry Potter turns to the Lord is high art. While Flanderization might work in some cases, in others it makes once likeable characters annoying brats that we want to see run over with a truck.

This week’s topic, a Legend of Korra OC shipping fic called Voices by ShayNiccals, has copious amounts of both, among other problems. We’re going to see some character changes that are not good or flattering, a protagonist who is not as mature and calm as she’d like to think (and no, it’s not Korra), and a romance plot as flat as the table I’m writing on.

Needless to say, spoilers.

The entire story is in first person, told from the perspective of Korra’s adopted sister Kalani.

…

What?

Okay, that’s different from what I’ve seen in OC fics (adopted sister bit, not first person), and that’s only because I tend to avoid OC shipping fics. Of course, it just comes across as a bit… tacked on. Why didn’t she just make this new character the Avatar instead of Korra, like what AvatarAvani did? Sure the story would have sucked more than a vacuum cleaner, but it would still come off more naturally.

Anyway, Kalani complains that she’s been stuck in Korra’s shadow for some time, but can’t really come to hate her. If anything, she acts as Korra’s “manager”, making sure she does her practices and doesn’t do anything stupid. Okay fair enough, Korra tends to think with her Firebending more than her brain at times, but does she really need a manager? Remember that, unlike Aang, Korra jumped at the chance to be the Avatar; I think that’d she’d spend a lot of time getting her practices done so she can go out and beat up bad guys when she’s actually allowed to go outside the compound.

Also, that’s another thing; Kalani’s in the compound too. Guess Zaheer and his gang tried to kidnap her too. SEASON 3 SPOILERS!

During this narration, we learn that Korra and Kalani were both trained by Katara (fair enough), but once Korra moved on to the other Elements Kalani got lonely.

As far as I can tell, you don’t have a gang of psychopaths trying to kidnap you SEASON 3 SPOILERS! So she could leave the compound whenever she wanted too, go make some friends among the civilians of the Southern Water Tribe, things like that.

We are also introduced to Kavi, Kalani’s pet polar leopard that she found around the same time that Korra found Naga.

WHY ISN’T KALANI THE AVATAR? SHE HAS THE EXACT SAME BACKSTORY AND LIMITATIONS AS KORRA!

Oh, she’s crazy.

…

Well, that was unexpected.

For you see, Kalani has the unfortunate circumstance to have a little voice in the back of her head, telling her that she can beat Korra any day, and she’s been dealing with this voice since childhood. What has she done? Well, ignored it, obviously, because you wouldn’t expect her to do something like go to someone who’d know just what the heck’s going on and find a method to end it, especially considering that spirits in this universe are highly dangerous.

“Tenzin, you know a lot about spirits. Is it bad if I have a little voice in the back of my head telling me that I can beat the Avatar in a fight?”

“Probably. I’d recommend some spiritual cleansing and therapy. At the very least, it should tell us just what’s bothering you.”

“Thanks Tenzin! You’re the best!”

Yeah, that’d be stupid.

Anyway, Korra finishes her Firebending exam and demands that Tenzin train her Airbending and spirit stuff, as per canon. BUT WITH A TWIST!

“That’s why I should start training with Tenzin now! He’s the most spiritual person ever! Except for Kalani, she’s… calm, and therefore spiritual.”

Thank you so much Korra for telling us that, although I would have liked to have been shown this calmness. Also not cool for completely downplaying the effectiveness of one character for another, adopted sisters or no.

After the White Lotus elders and Katara (she gets her own category for awesome) agree that Korra should start Airbending training, Korra and Kalani walk back to their housing arrangements, with Korra gushing about how awesome Kalani is when it comes to spiritual matters, and while Kalani tries to downplay it, her narration makes it clear that yes, she is that awesome.

Yeah, real humble for a level headed spiritual person. You know, I’m still waiting for her to actually be shown doing spiritual stuff. Like… talking with spirits or meditating or something like that.

Something like this. God, those spirits are adorable.

And if she’s so spiritual, why hasn’t she diagnosed the voice in the back of her head?

Logic: Then the story would have no plot?

SHUT UP!

After the gushing, the two hop on their pets and race off to the ocean, and… well, I don’t like it.

Part of Korra’s character is that she’s spent her entire life isolated. She has never had anyone of her age group to interact with, and thus tends to be more blunt and awkward than is socially acceptable. This of course causes problems:

And, admittedly, I find her isolation to be a bit depressing. Yes, people talk to their pets a lot, but in the beginning of Season 1 it was apparent that Naga was the closest thing to a friend she had had in her entire life. No one in that entire compound was anywhere close to her age, no one could sympathize with whatever frustrations that growing up might have brought about (well, they could, but sometimes teens need to talk to other teens to get their problems out).

Throw in an adopted sister, and all that drama and awkwardness goes away. Korra now has someone close to her age group that she can relate to and talk out her problems with, so she’s less likely to screw things up or stick her foot in her mouth. And as that’s a big part of Korra’s character arc, it makes her weaker and less like the character I’ve come to enjoy.

On a different note, this story suffers from a bad case of talking head syndrome:

“If you went that fast you might of won.” I shouted after her.

“Shut up and come one!” I got back on Kavi and tried to catch up with her.

If you’d just said that was Korra shouting at Kalani then I would not have any problem, but since that’s not apparent I actually thought it was Kalani at first until I read it again.

That’s bad. Also, “come one”? Spellcheck isn’t all that hard.

Anyway, Tenzin shows up, and of course things are changed up a bit. Heck, they even wimped out on Pema a bit, as instead of helping herself down from a Sky Bison with Tenzin there to make sure she’s steady Kalani helps her all the way down.

And then the author completely butchers the dinner scene. Korra never once suggests that she come to Republic City with Tenzin and his family, and instead just storms off to go do it anyway. I know Korra’s impulsive, but she’s not that impulsive. The original scene showed that 1) Korra was willing to work with the rules (or at the very least push them in such a way that they helped her out), and 2) she was smart enough to suggest a logical, easy to work with solution to everyone’s problems (except the White Lotus leaders who were still overly cautious).

This? This is just Korra with her impulsiveness taken up to eleven, and none of her positive traits addressed at all.

So Korra “Hothead McFlanderized” goes and prepares to take Naga to Republic City, because screw negotiation! Kalani goes to get her to calm down, and it turns out Korra wants her to go to Republic City too. She cites that she needs to find her own path if she wants to become the Avatar.

Fair enough, but at the very least you could have asked Tenzin first if you could have gone to Republic City, then there might not have been a need to go sneaking out and worry all your authority figures.

Oh, and the voice tries to convince Kalani to be an egomaniac, that she’s better than Korra. And yet Kalani does nothing, just blocks it out even though this voice clearly wants her to be an antagonist towards Korra. For all we know, it could be Koh or even Vaatu that’s talking to her, and she does absolutely nothing.

YOU ARE ENDANGERING COUNTLESS LIVES BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT ADDRESS THE FACT THAT AN EVIL SPIRIT WANTS YOU TO BEAT UP THE AVATAR!

And they say Kalani is the level headed one.

So, they hop on the boat and Kalani can’t sleep because they’d just ran away from home. Again, I like the original series better because Katara let Korra go, and she said goodbye to her parents before hopping aboard that ship. But whatever, Kalani can’t sleep and the voice calls her up on deck to do stuff. What stuff exactly? Bloodbending, of course! She uses is on some poor turtle seal that happened to be passing by.

AND YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?! Bloodbending is evil, and those that use it too much tend to go a little crazy. If this voice is actively encouraging you to use a forbidden and dangerous technique, you should do something about it before it turns you evil!

Korra comes up on deck and asks if something’s wrong. Kalani says it’s nothing and they head back below deck to rest and stay out of sight.

…

AND PEOPLE SAY YOU’RE THE RESPONSIBLE ONE?!

They arrive in Republic City and wander around a little. They run into the Equalist stooge and Korra makes an ass of herself, as per canon.

BUT WHERE’S SPARKLY SPARKLY BUSH MAN?! I LOVED SPARKLY SPARKLY BUSH MAN! L

And for being the level headed member of the pair, Kalani’s doing a pretty lousy job at reining Korra in. She should have just cut Korra off and talked her down rather than just following behind her and weakly protesting Korra’s actions. Even the voice calls her out on this and says that she shouldn’t speak with the Equalist.

They get lost, and instead of seeing Korra fighting off some Triad goons and getting arrested by Lin Beifong we see Kalani stumble across the Pro Bending arena (they decided to split up). Who does she run into there? Well, Mako and Bolin, of course, although Mako has brown eyes instead of the traditional Firebender gold (like he does in the show). Kalani wants to jump Mako’s bones, and the feeling is mutual as far as I can tell.

…

Well, at least they have more chemistry than Skye Dumbass and Zuko. Although, considering this is a Mako/OC ship, does that mean Asami’s going to be an Equalist?

Also, I think the whole “Love at first sight” plot has become a bit discredited. It worked well a few times, but then there are times when it… doesn’t. I would have liked for the characters to grow into one another better, getting to know their likes and dislikes before getting together once they find they’re compatible.

But I’m just an annoying critic. What do I know about relationships?

Kalani gets called away because Korra got arrested, but after Mako invites her to come see their Pro-Bending match… I’d expect something like that from Bolin, not Mako.

Anyway, Tenzin’s there and he’s pissed that Korra and Kalani disobeyed his orders. Korra gives a small speech about how Republic City needs her help (and Condescending Ultra-Bitch Kalani says that this is the most intelligent and mature thing she’s ever heard Korra say), and Tenzin… agrees right then and there and lets the two stay… I liked it better when Tenzin said “No”, and then relented upon seeing his father’s statue and thinking it over for a bit.

But enough about Korra’s training! We need to know about Kalani’s love for Mako, his chiseled looks, his soft eyes, his soothing voice.

… That’s more or less lifted straight from the fic.

Tenzin says that they can’t go tonight, with his whole spiel about how Pro-Bending is a mockery of true Bending, blah blah blah. For whatever reason he forbids Kalani from going too (why? She’s not training to be an Airbender, she doesn’t have the same restrictions Korra does), but ignoring the EVIL VOICE IN HER HEAD THAT SHE SHOULD TELL SOMEONE ABOUT she and Korra sneak out to see the match.

Whatever happened to being the leaf?

Anyway, it’s basically the first time Korra met Bolin and Mako BUT WITH KORRA’S ADOPTED SISTER!... how does this work? One of the big reasons Korra went to the Pro-Bending match was because she was having trouble with her Airbending practice and just needed to get away. But here, she hasn’t had any practice whatsoever.

Maybe this will actually hurt her Bending practice more…

Anyway, after the match Mako offers to take Kalani around town. The voice says no, she says yes, and it’s a date!

And… That’s OOC for Mako. He’s all dark and brooding and focused on winning, not taking girls around town and showing them sites. That’s something Bolin would do, since he’s the more carefree ladies’ man of the duo. Yeah, Mako went out with Asami, but he wasn’t actively going out of his way to please her and such. This is like Batman agreeing to do an interview for Lois Lane out of the goodness of his heart.

As they leave, Korra notes that Kalani’s been acting strange. Kalani says it’s nothing and… Korra backs off.

I think I slightly scared her… I was scared myself.

Oh yeah, because Korra is scared when people get snippy with her. That’s totally something Korra would be scared of instead of, say… this:

Oh yeah, sisters being snippy are much scarier than crazed revolutionaries that can mangle a person’s soul (I’ve been around snippy sisters, so I would know).

And Kalani, you’re failing. Badly. Tell someone that you’ve got a voice in your head before things get worse.

Tenzin catches them sneaking in and is justifiably upset. In response, Kalani… whines. And you’re the morally upstanding one? And why are you under any restraints? You’re not the Avatar.

Now we get to the “Be the Leaf” scene (I liked it better where it was in canon, thank you very much). It goes about as well as it does in Canon, except that Tenzin loses his patience/is embarrassed that his dad’s reincarnation is failing so hard, and suggests meditation instead.

TENZIN DIDN’T REALLY START LOSING HIS PATIENCE UNTIL KORRA TORCHED THE GATES! THIS IS OUT OF CHARACTER!

Meditation goes badly as well (since one thing that has stayed constant about Korra is that she’s very bad with spirits), and Kalani is still getting harassed by that voice WHICH SHE STILL HASN’T TOLD ANYONE ABOUT! This isn’t like some embarrassing birthmark, this is AN EVIL SPIRIT TELLING YOU TO DO EVIL THINGS! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

She then gets distracted and decides now’s a good time to get ready for her date with Strangely Happy Mako. Oh, and Author:

“Korra wait!” Korra walked out. I should probably get going; I have to meet Mako soon. “I don’t know how you handle here Kalani…” Tenzin said.

There is a concept of starting a paragraph whenever someone new is speaking, and keeping thoughts separate from narration. I think you need to research it.

Kalani heads for the Pro-Bending arena and meets up with Mako, who’s trying his best to a) look spiffier (and failing miserably) and b) channel Bolin by taking Kalani out for Water Tribe food. They talk, and we get Kalani’s backstory, which is the same as half the other characters of the Avatar franchise. In case you forgot:

Special note; if you’re a major protagonist in the Avatar franchise, and aren’t actually the Avatar, don’t get too attached to your parents.

After this, they go back and find out that Hasook bailed on them for the next match… that was fast. I was kind of expecting, oh I don’t know, the ROMANCE PLOT TO BE FLESHED OUT MORE! I have a hard time being convinced that Kalani and Mako, who have known each other for all of a day, are so madly in love with each other. Worse, it’s rushing through Legend of Korra’s plotline, as we can see in the show that a lengthy if uncertain amount of time passed between Korra arriving in Republic City and her joining the Fire Ferrets.

FLESH OUT THE STORY MORE! I WANT DETAILS!

So, Korra joins the Fire Ferrets, and for whatever reason Korra is only allowed to use Firebending after she’s found out… was the author even paying attention when they wrote this? They still win and Bolin offers Korra a permanent spot on the team (shouldn’t that be Mako’s job? He’s the unofficial team captain), but Korra is hesitant since Tenzin still hasn’t told her that he’s proud of her finally breaking through her Airbending limitations (despite the fact that Korra has only had one Airbending lesson).

Oh, and Kalani and Mako make out as well.

YOU’VE KNOWN THIS GUY FOR, WHAT, LESS THAN TWO DAYS AND YOU’RE ALREADY MAKING OUT WITH HIM?! AND YET YOU’VE DONE NOTHING ABOUT THE CREEPY VOICE IN YOUR HEAD THAT’S BEEN THERE FOR ALMOST ELEVEN YEARS?! PRIORITIY PROBLEMS MUCH?!

Anyway, we don’t see Tenzin and Korra agreeing that Pro-Bending might be good for her, because screw touching bonding moments between teacher and student! It’s not like I want to see Tenzin coming to regard Korra as part of his family, or Korra coming to see Tenzin as both a teacher and friend (or even a father figure). No, I want to see poorly planned romance from the viewpoint of a girl who is very quickly going insane!

Bad news comes when we learn that… okay, you probably know this by now: Fire Ferrets can’t ante up for the tournament, Bolin falls in with gangsters, Bolin gets captured by Equalists, Amon is evil, etc. About the only thing that’s different is that Korra takes time out of her practice to tease Kalani about her taste in boyfriends, and earlier Kalani has to pull Korra away from Pro-Bending training to go do Airbending Training.

First off, while I’m inclined to agree with Kalani that personal relationships should be that, personal, the “tease someone about boyfriends while they vehemently deny that someone isn’t their boyfriend” is a scene that is often done badly in bad romance fanfics, especially when it’s already been established that the couple have at least kissed. Yes, we get it, you don’t want people butting in, stop trying to drag it out.

Secondly, Korra isn’t seven; she’s shown having time for both practices in the show, and she doesn’t need some nagging sister telling her what to do and when to do it. You never say Tenzin intruding on her Pro-Bending practice to say “Stop that and go practice Airbending” because he knew that Pro-Bending was a good way to let Korra unwind and it helped with her Airbending practice.

You know who Kalani sounds like? Those cranky old monks from Last Airbender who wanted Aang to be the Avatar first, twelve year old kid second.

So, “The Revelation” happens except that Amon sounds more like one of those overly happy Student Senate members in high school, trying to get you hyped up for football games, rather than… Amon. Come on, Amon was the most Badass character in Season 1 (tied with Lin), and you made him less charismatic and intimidating. A good villain with an awesome voice like his should get a chance to use that awesome to build himself up, not just ask for audience participation. Watch some of Adolph Hitler’s rants sometimes, and you see he never once asks his audience for their input and instead gets them whipped up into a frenzy with his rhetoric and sheer force of will, essentially imparting his own anger and energy on the audience, and that’s the kind of leader Amon is: a charismatic orator who plays on fear and emotions to get the kind of reaction he wants.

I know I ranted a lot about making things more unique in my review of Legend of Dumbass Skye, but then there are times like this when the “new and exciting” things come off as rather forced.

Also, they interrupted before Amon could even get close to Debending Bolin. LET AMON BE BADASS, PLEASE!! And worse, when Korra makes the steam shield to confuse the Equalists and let Mako save Bolin, Kalani goes into autopilot when the voice tells her to kill Amon, only snapping out when she gets cuddles from Mako.

What does she tell Tenzin when they get back to Air Temple Island? Nothing, that they just saw Amon, which Tenzin claims is impossible.

No, what’s impossible is that he possesses a power only the Avatar has ever been able to use. Hundreds of people have already seen him, and it’s not like he’s a recluse writing angry notes in his kitchen.

…

I’m totally not describing myself right here.

At least if I had an evil voice telling me to kill people, I’d do something about it.

Later that night, Kalani is woken up by the evil voice who tells her to go Bloodbend some lemurs. She listens, and when Tenzin comes out to see what’s wrong she just passes is off as nothing and goes back to bed.

Head, meet desk. Repeatedly. For the next ten minutes.

Next day, Kalani and Mako are out and about when they get run over by Asami and her moped. Kalani dies and canon progresses from there Asami apologizes and offers to take them out to dinner, but since this is a Mako/OC shipping fic we can only guess how this story will end for her:

Maybe the author will be merciful.

We get a vague mentioning of Mako and Kalani doing stuff (What stuff exactly? The author didn’t mention it so it must not be that important) before Kalani has to head back to Air Temple Island for dinner (although it’s spelled diner. Seriously?). They get all settled in when Councilman Tarrlok shows up and asks Korra if she wants to join the SA his anti-Equalist task force.

Korra of course says no and Kalani is obviously confused and worried that her normally hot-headed sister- INTERRUPTING DATE WITH ASAMI!

The date goes well, Kalani and Asami seem to bond (although there are subtle hints that this version of Asami is evil), and Mako and Kalani are kind of sort of a couple…

How long has it been since you arrived in Republic City? Less than a week? I would have loved to see you two growing closer, but nope, we get too many scene transitions and other issues rather than bonding and well developed relationships.

Or, you know, doing something about that evil voice in your head?

Also, why hasn’t evil voice said anything? Since it’s obviously been trying to control Kalani’s life, wouldn’t it be saying things like how she doesn’t need Mako or Asami in her life, or should find a way to manipulate them into being her willing slaves? And why am I complaining about an evil voice being OOC?

Whatever.

So, next few days go by, Kalani treats Korra badly (like, focusing more on the fact that she’s not Airbending than the fact that she’s scared out of her mind to go face Amon), more vague mentions of Kalani, Mako and Asami being buddies and ShayNiccals’ grammar gets… schoolgirlishly bad (seriously, ridicules instead of ridiculous), and for whatever reason she shifts into present tense, like she’s recapping what’s going on in her mind.

GOD NO! NOT LIKE THAT!

So, it’s time for Tarrlok’s Beer Hall Putsch party that he throws for Korra. Kalani and Asami get ready together and Kalani (and her evil voice) get suspicious with all the questions Asami keeps asking, like how long she’s known Korra and stuff like that.

If you’re trying to convince us that Asami is evil, can you at least be subtle/creative about it? This feels like I’m being whacked over the head with a 2X4 with “Evil” stenciled on one side. And besides, is it so evil to ask how long you’ve known the Avatar?

“Katara, how long were you and Aang together before you got married?”

“Why would you ask? Are you evil?”

“Uh… no?” (receives Waterbending to the face)

Also, the evil voice is being oddly clairvoyant (not to mention helpful) towards whom not to trust, telling Kalani to avoid Hiroshi Sato. Wouldn’t it be telling her to take it all in and be a smug super, as it did back in the beginning of the story? As someone who has written evil beings tempting the heroes, I’d imagine it would be guiding her towards people who’d have a negative impact on her development… like Tarrlok.

That’d actually be an interesting shake up of things; having someone close to Korra actively supporting Tarrlok’s bid to become Der Fuehrer grab power in Republic City, feeling that it’s the right thing to do in such a tense situation. But no, we don’t get any of that, because the evil tempting voice is selective in who Kalani should trust and when to voice its opinions. If this was 40K, that voice would be practically screeching in Kalani’s ear until she broke, and given that it’d probably a Daemon of Tzeentch she would break… and possibly be executed by the Inquisition for Heresy.

I got distracted again, didn’t I?

So, Korra gets pressured into joining the SA Tarrlok’s task force, much to the voice’s approval (finally, it’s back to being evil). Kalani runs after Korra, who tries to pass it off as nothing and get Kalani off her back even though Kalani is trying to help.

…

So, you helping Korra overcome her fear of Amon is okay, but Korra helping you with the evil voice in your head is not? You’re about as self-centered as Skye Dumbass.

Three days later (wow, something that didn’t happen the next day), and Kalani is worrying about Korra. Not enough to stop her and tell her to think rationally, mind you, because she still wants Mako to light her fires (I’m going to Hell for that) and is still a slave to the evil voice, who’s telling her that she doesn’t need Korra. Mako tells her to stop worrying.

“I think you’re worrying a little too much. Korra is a big girl she can take care of herself.”

She’s just a few years shy of being a grown woman and you still treat her and talk about her like she’s seven. How soon until Amon Debends you?

Oh, and since Kalani’s dating Mako, Korra’s not really emotionally attached to him, and Bolin’s making his moves towards her. Bolin, you’re awesome, but…

I would if it were fleshed out more and we got a chance to see Bolin and Korra being cute together instead of being paired off for the sake of being paired off, but really I don’t care.

But enough of that scene, we cut to two weeks later and I WOULD REALLY LIKE THAT FIRST SCENE FLESHED OUT AND A BETTER TRANSITION! SHOW US MORE OF KALANI AND MAKO BEING TOGETHER, OR BETTER YET SHOW MORE OF BOLIN FAWNING FOR KORRA!

Whatever. It’s not like ShayNiccals is listening to me.

Korra issues her duel to Amon, and Kalani fails once again to talk her out of it. Korra goes off, and then when she fails to return with Amon Tenzin decides to go after her… along with everyone else.

Yet another powerful scene of teacher/student bonding shattered by unneeded characters. So, none of this:

Or this:

Because I have not seen a lot of bonding between these two, and their bonding moments are awesome!

Oh, and evil voice is evil:

Korra is cracking… very good Kalani… very good.

WHY HAVEN’T YOU DONE SOMETHING ABOUT THIS?!

But we’re distracted from such trivial matters by the fact that Bolin is bummed about striking out with Korra. Repeatedly. Mako says this is a bad idea and Bolin shouldn’t get mixed up in romance and such, and self-centered bitch Kalani takes this wrong and thinks he’s trying to break things off so he can stay focused on the tournament.

I think you’ve got a lot bigger problems than your boyfriend wanting to take is slower for a few weeks.

Anyway, Korra’s having emotional issues as well… I can probably sum this entire chapter up as “The Spirit of Competition” but with some other chick instead of Asami. That’s pretty much it, down to the Korra kissing Mako and everyone freaking out bit.

Considering how much of a jerk Kalani’s been to Korra, she probably deserves it.

Kalani rides off in anger, the voice actually being true to its nature and telling her how much Mako doesn’t care for her. Mako somehow catches up and they… make up. Seriously, we went through all that for you to just make up like that?... Now that I think about it, it’s really not that bad.

And… this all happens within the span of a few hours. Instead of all night as it did in the show. That’s… a little fast, especially for someone Bolin’s size to get drunk off noodles. And later Kalani and Mako are in his apartment (because Kalani doesn’t want to see Korra) talking about what to do next.

Anyway, next day (again, I hate the pacing of this story), the Fire Ferrets (having worked out their differences) are practicing when Amon delivers his “Cancel the Pro-Bending Finals and no one will get hurt”. The voice demands Kalani shut the radio off, and afterwards she tells Mako she can’t tell him what’s wrong.

Why am I not surprised?

“And the Winner Is…” happens from here: Interrupt the Council Meeting, Lin and Tenzin’s backstory, Tahno is a cheating little dick (I still have no idea why people like him, in universe and out), Amon blows stuff up, Kalani gets memories of her backstory-

Wait a minute.

So, apparently, what happened is that, for whatever reason, Kalani’s parents asked the Avatar for help saving their daughter. How? Korra was a baby at the time and wouldn’t be able to help all that much… unless they’re actually talking about Aang, or… time travel is involved.

I know, Ten, it doesn’t make much sense to me either.

So anyway, the voice tells Kalani to let it take over (bad idea) and like the dumbass she is she lets it take over and passes out. Again. We get more snippets of what happened, with her parents saying that they’ll give the Avatar anything, when Kalani wakes up and everyone asks her what the hell happened and why was she able to Bend so much water.

…

Are you implying what I think you are?

Because if you are, I have one thing to say:

NO!

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

NOOOOOO!!!

YOU ARE NOT IMPLYING THAT KALANI IS SOMEHOW CONNECTED TO AANG OR IS SOMEHOW A SECOND (benevolent) AVATAR! THAT’S JUST… NO!

The allure and drama of being the Avatar is the fact that there is one Avatar. ONE. There’s no one more powerful than the Avatar, and there’s no one else that can shoulder the burden of being the Great Mediator between the Four Nations. When you have someone else taking over that role or sharing that responsibility, the role of the Avatar is less special than it should be and deals with much less pressure. What character development can be had from Korra having to deal with the pressure of being the Avatar if someone else can easily do her job?

I’m ranting again.

Getting back on track. Now we come close to Asami’s inevitable betrayal. Kalani is still bitchy about Korra kissing Mako, which she brings up when Korra approaches Kalani about the possibility of Asami and her father being Equalists.

…Really? You choose now to bring up your issues with Korra? Why didn’t you do that near the end of the tournament, when it was still a relevant issue? This is how relationships are wrecked, Kalani.

So she spends another night at Asami’s, who says that Korra should be the one to apologize since she’s the one who kissed Mako.

And Kalani should apologize for treating Korra like a kid and being a condescending bitch, but this is from her POV; we’re never going to get that.

So, Sato passes it off as nothing, and we get a wonderful line:

“I don’t even know how you were friends with her.” I don’t either.

Yes, completely disown your adopted sister because she kissed a guy you liked, who already said it was water under the bridge. That’s totally the right thing to do.

So, “The Aftermath” happens as usual, with the twist that ASAMI IS EVIL!!!

…

Why do people hate Asami? I know she was intended to be evil when they first came up with the series, but she has so much more potential as a good guy. Is it because she dated Mako? Is it just guilt by association, since her father is an Equalist Sympathizer?

Also, Asami turning out to be evil right then and there has a lot of logistical problems, some I think that most people ignore. Consider this: Asami attacking her father instead of the Krew gave them enough time to escape Hiroshi’s mechas, meaning that the Avatar and her friends would be able to regroup and prepare for Amon’s next assault. Had Asami done nothing, or if she did what she did now and betrayed Korra and the other heroes immediately after they discovered the factory, then Amon wins because, if you remember correctly, the Equalists were in the process of loading the Metalbenders, Lin, Tenzin and Korra into trucks to be taken to Amon when Mako, Bolin and Asami save them. If they were brought to Amon, he probably would have Debended most of them, meaning that there would be no one to protect Air Temple Island, meaning that Tenzin’s kids would get Debended as well, no one to save General Iroh when his fleet is destroyed by the Equalists, no one to save Bumi when his fleet is destroyed by the Equalists, and Amon would keep on Debending people until there were no Benders left in the United Republic. This would understandably upset the other Nations, who’d probably muster their armies and attack this dangerous new state, plunging the world back into a war that Aang and his group had worked so hard to prevent.

Worse, if you consider what happens in the rest of the series, Asami betraying the group now means that, because of the domino effect, there is no Avatar to oppose Vaatu’s escape, meaning that the world is doomed to ten thousand years of darkness and rampant spirits, which will most likely wipe out mankind for good.

Thanks to overthinking things on my part, unless the heroes pull a Deus Ex Machina out or the Equalists are somehow less effective than they are in the show, ShayNiccals just doomed the entire Avatar world. It would have worked better if Asami turned on the group after it was revealed her father was an Equalists, because by then she’d have more of the Krew’s trust and could cause more damage (like, letting Equalists onto Air Temple Island when the Krew is distracted). That would actually be interesting.

Also, I see some unfortunate implications in that all the heroes are Benders and most of the bad guys aren’t (since the reveal about Amon’s true past hasn’t happened yet).

Back in the fic proper, Asami lies and says that an Equalist broke in and subdued them. They save the others and then Asami reveals she really is evil.

…

Well, so much for hiding that.

Evil!Asami decides to take a moment to gloat and is knocked out by Korra. As the heroes escape, Kalani apologizes for ignoring Korra.

NO SHIT YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE!

The guys have to stay at Air Temple Island now, and Kalani STILL WON’T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THE EVIL VOICE IN HER HEAD!!! This has gone beyond annoying to just plain stupid.

So, the new Team Avatar goes out Equalist hunting, and runs into trouble when Fuehrer Tarrlok shows up and tells them to stay out of the way. Instead of Korra telling him to piss off, it’s Kalani that does that, and Tarrlok listens to this girl who is not the Avatar and shouldn’t have any business with him.

Why didn’t ShayNiccals just make Kalani the Avatar in the first place?

And Mako and Bolin still get arrested for trying to prevent Tarrlok from arresting… some random woman. At least if it was Asami, I’d be more emotionally attached. Not to say that what Tarrlok is doing isn’t wrong, it’s just that the entire scenario has lost just a bit more weight.

Kalani and Korra go to confront Tarrlok about this, and after a fight THAT WAS BETTER WHEN IT WAS JUST KORRA Tarrlok reveals he’s a Bloodbender and Kalani once again lets the voice take control.

We get more backstory: apparently, Kalani was dying and her parents took her to Aang for help. Aang says there’s nothing he can do and, in fear that Kalani will die, her parents sacrifice themselves to a spirit monster in exchange for Kalani’s life.

…

…

I don’t care how desperate or well-meaning you are, but selling your soul to a spirit who can and most likely will wreck greater damage is not sound judgment.

What worse, is that we didn’t have to wait twenty chapters to learn this; everything could have been solved by her just going to Tenzin or someone and explaining THAT THERE’S AN EVIL VOICE IN HER HEAD! We’ve seen that Waterbending Healing has been able to bring out repressed or blocked memories (what Katara did to break Jet out of his Dai-Li brainwashing), so why didn’t they do something like that? WHY HASN’T KALANI TOLD ANYONE ABOUT THE SPIRIT IN HER HEAD, EVEN IF SHE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS?!?!?

…

Let’s just get this over with.

After Kalani wakes up, she finds that they’re held in boxes and Amon has attacked Tarrlok’s Fuehrerbunker hideout. The two escape and are picked up by the others, and… this is pretty much the last few episodes of Season 1. Go watch those if you want a better story.

They meet up and Korra reveals that she saw Kalani go all dark eyed and crazy and start Bloodbending. Kalani then explains everything that happened and everything that she’d seen.

Tenzin being the most intelligent person here tells Kalani to never let the voice take control again, although they can’t exorcise the spirit without killing her. All this could have been avoided if she’d spoken to Tenzin TWENTY CHAPTERS AGO!!!

They decide that Amon’s getting too powerful and needs to be taken down. Mako suggests that he and Kalani bang stay with Kalani just so she’s safe.

“Mako, I’ve lived the voice for almost eleven years now. I can deal with it.”

Wait… If Kalani’s lived with the voice for eleven years… and Aang was still alive when she got sick and had to be brought to him… then that means…

KORRA’S ONLY ELEVEN?! NO WONDER EVERYONE IN THIS FIC TREATS HER LIKE A CHILD!!

Kalani and Mako do end up banging (offscreen, although this is mostly guessing since the next chapter begins with the two of them in bed cuddling), but then everything changed when the Equalists attacked! The fight off the first wave (and Tenzin calls Lin by her last name. THE TWO WERE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS, THEY WOULDN’T BE ON A LAST NAME BASIS UNLESS THEY REALLY HATED EACH OTHER!!!), and it’s decided to split the party.

“We’re not giving up!” Korra shouted.

“I’m not asking you to.” Tenzin snapped a little. “I’m asking you to be patient” That’s worse than asking her to give up!

NOT IF YOU’D FOLLOWED HER CHARACTER ARC CLOSER!

They do split up, and we miss out on one of the most awesome yet heartbreaking scenes in Season 1. So instead of seeing this:

Manly tears were shed

We get more poorly written romance followed by the attack on Iroh II’s fleet. After Kalani saves them, they make plans and decide to take out the airfield. Korra decides to attack Amon instead and everyone calls her an idiot.

…

Why? It makes sense. Have one attack on a major base of the enemy while another force moves in to take out the leadership; it splits the Equalists’ attention and allows the heroes to do twice the damage to the enemy. Also, Korra needs to defeat Amon for the same reason Aang needed to take out the Fire Lord; if anyone else did it, the conflict would not resolve and might even get worse, but if the Avatar does it then it’s more final.

So, they go ahead with the plan, and Kalani, Mako and Korra encounter Debent Fuehrer Tarrlok. Tarrlok is terrified of Kalani, and the voice mentions him and Amon being two disappointments.

…

Don’t tell me Kalani’s possessed by Yakone. Please don’t.

There’s more dialogue and it’s about as obvious as firing a gun in a crowded room that yes, the voice is Yakone. Kalani’s parents sold themselves to the immortal soul of a psychotic gangster just to make sure she lived, and said psychotic gangster has been free to take his vengeance against Republic City.

This is quickly approaching the threshold of stupid.

The heroes go to stop Amon and Yakone demands that Kalani give in. She ends up doing most of the heavy fighting against Amon and-

Threshold of stupid passed. This is like DC killing Lian Harper levels of stupid. Kalani’s only reason to exist is to shtup Mako and wreck Korra’s character development. She’s only a little better than Skye Dumbass because she actually does something, but what she does do destroys whatever awesome and heartwarming moments the other characters have, to the point that they’re just accessories to Kalani’s actions. WHY DON’T THEY ALL JUST GO HOME AND FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU’RE SO NATURALLY GIFTED?!

So they meet up with the others and find out that they got captured by Hiroshi until they were saved by Asami, who says that her father got her all swept up in the rhetoric and just followed along because she felt he was right.

YES! ASAMI IS GOOD!!... Was her Face-Heel Turn really necessary? I mean, if everything is all cleared up in one sentence, and they’re all friends immediately afterwards, why did she turn evil in the first place?

They all make up, Amon’s on a boat, Korra accesses the Avatar State and returns people’s Bending, hugs and kisses, Kalani’s magically cured of her demonic possession, end fic.

This story sucks. The plot is a bland rehash of Legend of Korra Season 1, the canon characters have several flaws greatly exaggerated, the romance is hollow and poorly paced, the story is laced with misspellings and misused words, Kalani’s judgment is awful, and she just steals all the good moments from the other characters that deserve them more. The idea of Yakone possessing a girl for his own purposes sounds awesome, but it’s horrendous in execution here.

If you’re going to write a shipping fic, I think it would be best if you just try to do the characters justice. That’s why most of the shipping fics I do like deal with minor characters who don’t really have a lot of character development, like Hakoda and Ursa (if and when I review a good shipping fic, Guide Me Home is at the top of my list). But this… this just goes to show that most people can’t write romance, much less characters.

(I don't own The Legend Of Korra, Star Trek, or Batman, to my eternal dismay. I don't own Voices or Kalani, to my eternal happiness.)

(I admit the idea behind the fic is good... I think I might borrow it for my Avatar/DCU crossover)